why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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