So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
