I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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