you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
