so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
