fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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