I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
