I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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