now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
