Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's the barista slut.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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