She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
