You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
