I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
