Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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