If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
