What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
