Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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