i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
