I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
