A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
