he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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