My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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