I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
