i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
