I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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