Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
