nut hugger
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
