I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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