Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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