Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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