oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
