just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
MIDGETS
????
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
