i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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