he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
