don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
