I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
