I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
