That's intense
no, he came in my armpit
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
