If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
try to milk me bitch
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