Ambien. No doubt about it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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