Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
