You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
