So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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