I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
