is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
