I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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