Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
