Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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