Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
