new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
