I want you more than these girls want KFC
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
