I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
