i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think i got beer on your cat.
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